DO PEOPLE NOT UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN BE SAD FOR NO REASON
Anxiety attacks are the worst because sometimes you have no idea why you’re crying or angry and you just think of everything wrong in your life and you can’t control it all you can do is breath in and out and cry it out
It’s been hard, you could say. This past month and a half has been very difficult for me. A lot has changed not only in me but in people I know.
Depression is getting the best of me again. It keeps me up all hours of the night. It makes me want to hurt myself. I’ve been cut free since December 2012. Almost six months. But lately I’ve been having these urges, I stare and my wrist and just imagine cutting and leaving scars, snapping a rubber band on my wrist isn’t enough anymore. And I’m just scared because I want self harm to be out of my life, I want to be able to stop hurting myself when times get hard. You don’t know how easy it is for me to relapse because five feet away from me I have razors hidden in between a book. And scares me because what if one night I just give up on everything and throw the progress I have made out the window. I know probably known of you care about what I’m saying but I just need to let my thoughts out. Depression…well makes everyday a living hell for me. I can either wake up happy or sad. It gets tiring.
I guess all I want in life is a new start, a new beginning. But that’s sort of impossible. My goal is to make to ny senior year, graduate, go to collage in a different city far from the I currently reside in, meet new people, experience new things, and find someone to live the rest of my life with. And hopefully by then this darl cloud that hangs above me will be gone and done with.